#TrustingAllah

I often find myself caught in a quiet struggle that no one seems to notice. It’s not that people aren’t paying attention, but I’ve always been the type to carry my burdens alone, finding it almost impossible to ask for help. So, I struggle. In silence. Most days, I am tired and exhausted, really. It feels like life is testing me beyond what I can handle, and I don’t know how much more I’m supposed to bear.

Shame sneaks in as I look at my life. I’m not proud of it. It’s as if there’s nothing interesting or worthwhile about me, and I feel like I’m just… boring. I often wonder if people still want to be friends with me, or if my dullness has pushed them away. Doubt lingers in my heart. I start questioning my worth. Worse, I find myself questioning Allah’s wisdom. I hate admitting it, but I’ve found myself asking, “Why, Allah? Why are You testing me like this? Am I not worthy of Your love? Am I not a good enough Muslim?” These thoughts sit like a heavy weight on my chest, making me feel like a failure, like I’m not enough.

One day, I stood in front of the mirror, and I couldn’t bear to look at myself. The reflection staring back felt like a stranger, someone I didn’t recognise, or even like. I hated the person I’d become. I hated how I had let opportunities slip through my fingers, and how my life felt like one long list of missed chances. In that moment, I wondered if my life would ever get better. I’ve never felt particularly lucky, and it seemed like nothing was ever going to change.

But then, doubt crept in again. Is it really true that Allah tests us because He loves us? Could this pain, this struggle, really be a sign of His care for me?

There’s a verse from the Quran that’s quite common, one many people turn to in times like these:

“Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear.” (Quran 2:286)

I know I’ve heard it countless times before, but even though it’s something everyone knows, but for me, it was the line that helped me see things clearly again. I remind myself of it over and over, sometimes until I’m exhausted from repeating it. But it is what it is. I have to swallow this truth: Allah doesn’t test me beyond what I can bear. Even if I feel overwhelmed, I know deep down that I have the strength to get through it, because Allah wouldn’t give me more than I can handle. He knows me better than I know myself.

There’s another verse I turn to when things feel unbearable:

“…Verily, with hardship comes ease.” (Quran 94:6)

It’s such a comforting reminder, though it’s not always easy to believe when the ease seems far away. But I keep telling myself, ease will come. Every hardship is met with a blessing, a relief, even if I can’t see it yet. It’s a promise from Allah, and I hold onto that promise when the weight feels too heavy to bear.

I still have days where the struggle feels too much, where I want to escape from everything. But then I remember why I’m here. Life isn’t meant to be easy. We’re meant to be tested, and these tests aren’t there to break us, they’re there to bring us closer to Allah.

If I’m tired, it’s alright. It doesn’t mean I’ve failed. It just means I’m human. And being a good Muslim doesn’t mean being perfect. It means accepting the tests I’m given with patience, even when it’s hard, and trusting that Allah’s wisdom is beyond my understanding.

So, I remind myself every day: I’m here to be tested. And with every hardship I face, with every moment of exhaustion, I hold onto the belief that these challenges are shaping me into the person Allah knows I can become. Even when I doubt myself, I try not to doubt Him.

After all, I’m just a human being, and even though I feel tired and broken, I’m still trying. And maybe, that’s what makes me a good Muslim, trusting in Allah, even when the path seems too hard to walk.